Go all the way.

“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” 

― Charles Bukowski, Factotum.

It's easy to find yourself being really conscious, extremely measured and cautious; it's a safe way to go through life, it assures you to have less troubles.. or so I thought. Troubles will come either way, maybe you'll avoid a few with a cautious behaviour, but in the end you'll face trouble anyway. 

Right now I feel like I can relate with this quote by Charles Bukowski, most accurately to "If you're going to try, go all the way". I've been conducting myself this way for a few months now and great things have happened. It's scary, of course, but the feeling you get while you know you're investing your all into the things you believe is amazing.

It's amazing even when 'all the way' means great sacrifices, pain and tough decisions. Since I was a young girl I've been aware that I'm responsible for my actions and decisions, I don't know if my parents taught me that or if I sort of learnt it by myself, I just know that's the only way I know how to live; in part, that's why I'm able to happily accept both the bad and the good that comes out from what I do. With this I want to warn that you cannot go all the way if you're not ready to face the consequences, either positive or negative. Therefore, it's a process.

And, as I never really plan much, this was supposed to be an entry on itself but I think this two ideas go along.. or maybe it's just me perceiving things as a whole.

"How can I be afraid of the dark anymore, when it has evoked such beautiful feelings, thoughts, emotions, moments? 

In darkness I've found potential. Potential to open up my soul and be more myself, to recognize love and hope and happiness, to fight my hardest battles, to challenge the challenges, to live how I wanted to. 

I embrace the dark because I know it is not eternal, it is brief and sometimes necessary. Its job is to shake things a bit when you're becoming too disturbingly comfortable; its job is mostly to return sanity to your days. Even if you can't see it like that right away. 

Trust me, I'm alive."